Holy Shitcakes

Soooo that deadline for my internship came and went eons ago so i've been without a job for a while. I keep beating myself up for not being able to nab another job but then when i stop to think about it im really not the only one to luck out. My stepbrother Marc who is alot more capable than i am lucked out with his Michael's job since his mom worked at one of the stores and be it not for my uncle (for the power washing job) and my mom (for the internship) i wouldn't have even had that work. I could always go back to power washing but i only did that the first time because i was thrown into it. the money vs the gas it takes to get to and from Macomb really isn't worth it.

Also it seems like I am being ridiculed and constantly reminded that i am not going to be finishing my degree in 4 years. Dad did another one of his rousing "i give up and hate and love you" speeches about my progress in my classes even though i really am at a stalemate with my core classes until i can get over this derptastic lack of math skill and pass calc. I think part of him thinks that if I am not outwardly rattled by my situation then i clearly must either not care or be a fucking idiot. Quite frankly it's his attitude if anything that sparks any kind of apathy from me as i know how rough things are yet i also know that how i have to handle things takes time. If he is really going to get that impatient with me then I would wish he'd grow a spine enough to just cut me off instead of throwing these pointless hissy fits at me. It's to the point that i continue arguments like this in my dreams because it bothers me so damn much. This isn't a sudden change in his character though as it's always been his way to be overly dramatic about things. It is something that i gained as a trait myself although i try to fight it.

On a lighter note, Christmas and New Years were fun. Basically jumping between parties for both though the bulk of them except new years (kinda) were family based. Its kind of getting to the point where im scraping the barrel of family/relatives to keep it fresh because even though they are good peoples (mostly) im tired of seeing the same family crews over and over. Then again that's only on the Ledesma side, the Rosarios apparently just scattered to the four winds and hardly talk to each other anymore unless it's over stupid facebook statuses. I am glad to have the WSU group back for the semester as they are my main source of laughs nowadays (and not in an assholeish way.....mostly XD) that being said it's starting to look like a small world after all as people are starting to know each other more in my different circle of friends and i am amused/urked by that.


Even with the fresher nuances i really need to get my wheels turning financially so i can get out of this place. I used to scoff at my friends who took off early to be on their own because of all the times i had to see them fall on their faces but through it all they came out pretty well and quite frankly i think i would enjoy that kind of life alot better. Until then this is my new low.

-CJ YOU FUCKS!

P.S. Janky Mooks derp. expect to hear those alot if you talk to me until i find some other words to spam in conversation.

update. got a job at a place called stevi b's in woodhaven. also click the shit out of this. tis an interesting program to mess with that im sure you've heard of. help me help you!!

Rinse and repeat?

So this blog seems to have suffered the same fate that my live journal postings had. I get caught up in doing things and just talking to people about it on other mediums that i neglect posting about anything for eons. That being said things for the most part have been the same. Unless i've just forgotten, the only major change is that my mother married Scott last year. That and my car has gotten partially crunched in an accident on campus. I'm also working an internship at DWSD (detroit water and sewerage department) which is pretty much a desk job. Besides that i haven't made any new real friends, i've turned 21 but i still drink as little as i did before, and now i like hookah but i always do it socially since sitting with the setup by myself would be entirely lame.

(guh the tab key doesn't work in this format)

As some more medical check-ups are on the rise i guess i will be put under the magnifying glass health wise but to be honest i really could care less as opposed to being concerned about my classes and work (need that money after all. Somehow my necro-phobia has resurfaced again. I used to throw fits about dying when i was younger as my mom likes to remind me from time to time and some days when i try to sleep that thought creeps into my mind. The only other time this happens strangely is when im driving home from work. Personally, i think it is because i feel a stronger sense of repetition in my life with just going through the grind of work and classes. My years as a middle schooler and sophomore in high-school were alot more active times for me with all the travel and organizations and developments at the time. Since then besides my parent's marital statuses changing on and off and my increased mobility due to driving, nothing big has really happened to me. So because of this, the only major markers that define points in time since then have been deaths. The death of my Previous step-father Corey, the Deterioration and death of my uncle Frankie, and the more recent death of my remaining grandfather (the other died when i was younger). In a time when the generation that for the most part raised me as a child is beginning to die and that i am soon to have to try to get out and make it on my own, not only is my character and ability being called into question but also my own sense of mortality.

I always scoffed when the old folks said "those damn kids think they're invincible". Now i understand what they meant.

but hey! i'll live.

for now

-Cesar

consideration

I did two silly videos one with me mouthing my stepbrother's words as we re-enact a piece of a kat williams skit and the other being my brother messing with filters for our webcam. Since then i've been considering doing some more videos though im not sure as to what to do them on. i've discussed that with my stepbrother Marc as well and we are a bit at a loss. also i feel a bit lame having to use a rockband mic for now since my internal microphones don't pick up sound all that well.

http://www.youtube.com/user/cjlllatt

this is my account and besides those two videos i pretty much just use it to keep tabs of my favorites and to share videos i come across with my friends on other sites like facebook. i tend to lean towards video game/music related videos though im not particularly good at either which i think is my ultimate problem when considering to continue making videos is that i have no obvious talents to capitalize on to get the ball rolling. if there is anyone who comes across this if you could please share your thoughts i would appreciate it. also go ahead and comment on what types of videos you have had enough of and what videos you cannot get enough on. until next time!

-CJ BISHES!

P.S. Im getting a bit tired of people stepping on my toes socially thanks to their drama/inability to let bad situations or people go.

epicness ahoy!

I was stumbling through things when i came across this old animation. This kinda blew my mind since not only was this made by a group of high-schoolers back in 1983 but also that they went on to form a company together that would create some of the hit anime shows of the early 90s.



I've always been one to like fan made animations/flash animations that are done well and it is crazy that this one from so long ago blows alot if not all of the more recent animations i've seen out of the water.

-CJ

Im starting to realize why i seldom used my livejournal.

It's because my ideas/contemplations i usually just tell to my friends. So before that starts again im just gonna start posting conversations.

Since i lost part of this one though the subject was about the effects of people using the "i was the big person of the situation" argument. Excuse the crude internet faces at the end of some of my posts.

(1:12:05 AM) thosedamngreeks: It says you aren't currently online but you areee
(1:12:14 AM) cjlllatt29: now i am?
(1:12:18 AM) thosedamngreeks: weiird
(1:12:19 AM) thosedamngreeks: anyways
(1:12:24 AM) thosedamngreeks: I said : haha why?
(1:14:32 AM) cjlllatt29: because it usually bring the big person under hard scrutiny not only by the little people but also just plain nosy people. and eventually it seems that they nitpick on irrelavent things. like the longer you play the big person the more ways people try to find to demonize you
(1:15:22 AM) thosedamngreeks: why do you think that is?
(1:15:45 AM) thosedamngreeks: what you said has a lot of truth to it
(1:16:41 AM) cjlllatt29: i think it's moreso to negate the lable of being a "little person" because on the other side the title of little person can sometimes go to the extent of people just considering you to be a social invalid XP
(1:16:59 AM) thosedamngreeks: I suppose that's true
(1:17:01 AM) thosedamngreeks: kinda messed up
(1:18:09 AM) cjlllatt29: like nothing you say from this point matters because of those couple times that you fell on your face. people tend to be greedy when it comes to redemption. i know im guilty of this since i sometimes make fun of people but also catch myself doing the same things XP
(1:19:17 AM) thosedamngreeks: yeah I know what you mean

So there you have it. until next time!

-CJ BISHES!

P.S. I need to figure out the get new local friends on my summer list. This whole only being active when friends come from out of town thing is pretty lousy on my part.

meh

i really hate days like these where nothing is going on. It seems that this is especially true for sunday. i find this a bit odd given that most people that i know never seem all that busy during the week regardless of work yet come sunday they either planned something weeks in advance or just plain don't want to do anything at all. Sometimes it doesn't pay to be spontaneous i suppose. yesterday was fun at least. went to see some cage fights in brownstown and hung out at arthurs with my stepbrother Marc afterwards. hopefully i can find something to do after class tomorrow at least.

-CJ BISHES!

P.S. it seems like the group of friends that i hang out with is thinning even more....gonna have to deal with that soon.

the routine

My class started last week. the turnout has been pretty weak with only 11 or so of us here at one time out of the 30 or so that were signed up although i find it pretty typical. thinking about typicality makes me think about people's predictability especially people that you've come to get to know over longer periods of time. I always go through a phase where i tire of my friends as they seem to be in a rutt of sorts doing a whole lot of nothing just for the sake of passing the time until something meaningful comes along. that is not to say that i am not guilty of the same but when i step back and realize this i hate it and my mind becomes frantic with what ifs. what if i was more outgoing? what if i had a more widely appealing personality? what if i were to just stop being me all together and be come a full blown social chameleon who blended in with any group he was with not only in mentality but also appearance? my sense of individuality refuses this idea and becomes condecending of my thoughts. as such i resort to the solution i always do. rather than changing myself it may be time to change the people i have around me. i can only hope that i run into people that can help me make this so.

im tired of the overemotional, paranoid, and downright childish scenarios i hear from people as well as dealing with pathetic "victim of circumstance" types. until next time!

-CJ BISHES!

p.s. if by some chance a friend reads this don't be foolish and ask "is it i?" because if you do than yes...yes it is.